A Man's Man!

Personally, I think he looks better in his uniform - er, apron, I mean! :)

Braving the Elements

Today I actually braved the elements to get you these pictures. It is the same old crap - snow! snow! snow! When will it ever stop?!?!? I can't wait for spring and this is what I get! Anyway, I wanted to give you some new views of the hell-frozen-over we are living in here, so I actually put my boots on and went outside. Brave! This view here is from the back deck looking toward the front of the house. It is snowing pretty profusely which is why it looks sorta fuzzy. Either that or I moved or something.

You can really see how hard it is snowing in this picture. The visibility is down to a quarter mile as you can see from the background. I was going to take the girls to the pool to swim today, but the roads are really bad. One thing we've noticed over the past couple years is that winter starts later every year and lasts longer into the spring. If we are right about this, we may just have a frigid-cold wedding day! Stupid snow!

Just to tantalize everyone with visions of a warmer time, here is a pciture of our roses and dogwoods from last spring and summer. Ah, to be warm again!

A New World

My life is different now. Part of it is being in love and being loved, truly loved, in return. I feel loved. It is a hundred different things. The way he looked at me today and said, "Honey, this food is killer." It's the way he said, "Oh, that feels sooo good." when I casually rubbed his shoulder. I'm not trying to be all Valentinesy-romantic here, but when you are in love there are a thousand things that transact in a day that say, "You are worthy, you are a good person, and I love you." My soul needs that.

Did Chris save me? Absolutely without a doubt. He saved me, but not in the way you might think. I had been single and alone for much of my adult life. The thing about being single and alone is that you can continue all the dysfunctional crap and there's no one there to confront you, there's no mirror reflecting back what your behavior is doing to those around you, the ones you love. Chris was that mirror for me. Living with someone who spends every waking moment working his heart out for the people he loves and is responsible for is confronting, especially when you are used to just plain having it your way all the time just because you want it that way. He is such a good person, he made me want tobe better, too. I had a lot to learn.

The reason I am saying all of this stuff is because I'm in a very different place in my life and that change is reflected in this blog. This blog began at a time in my life when I was very confused and very conflicted, and I was making things tremendously worse by staying involved in a bad situation, trying to figure out a way to make it work. When I read the manic posts written during that time, I can remember the torment twisting my guts every waking moment and the anxiety that never let me rest. It was hell.

I'd like to go back and erase those posts, but erasing those posts won't erase that part of my life. It is part of my story now, and like it or not, I'm stuck with it. Now, though, when I sit down to write I'm not driven by the terrible feelings I had back then which stirred my mind up into a mental frenzy of words and emotions which fell into place like stout little soldiers marching into battle; each blog post was just one more attempt to validate myself in what was ultimately a soul crushing time in my life.

Now, I sit down to write and my words are different. Don't mistake this post as a declaration that I've arrived and that I no longer struggle. Oh, I struggle. But for me struggling is part of my human condition; I have no life apart from struggle. It's just that now I focus on different things. My family is everything to me. When I sit down to write, I'm thinking of that funny thing Emily did or how Grace and Brandie are growing into such beautiful, intelligent young girls and how thankful I am every moment of my life that I have such an incredible life partner in Chris. This is healing to me. This is bringing me back to my soul and it's drawing together all the dissociated, broken parts of myself. I have a vision now of who was hiding inside of me all these years, and you know what? I am so excited. Now the question is, will I have the courage to become the woman I was meant to be? You will have to tune into this blog to see. But I'm guessing that with the love and support of the best man on this earth, I can do anything. Anything.

Slip of the lip

If I said to you "Let's do it Tuesday," you should know I meant Thursday, should you not? In my brain I said, "Thursday," but my mouth said, "Tuesday." A simple slip of the lip.

Here's another one. Let's say I walk into your office one morning, and I say, "There's something wrong with the copy machine. It's making strange noises and no coffee is coming out." Ok, now that one is obvious. Coffee machine, idiot! No reason to ask me if everything is ok at home.

This one is the worst. Imagine a romantic moment of absolute bliss. In a delirious haze you say,

"heaven."

Ok, I don't know why you said it, but just imagine you did. Now, don't you think it's weird to hear, "Who's Evan?"

Do you think this could be related to random turning? I know someone - I'm not saying who - but this particular someone, while driving, will make random turns. Say you're going to the store. Going there requires a straight shot down Comstock. Well, for some reason, this person would turn on, let's say, Ferris or something. Startled, you say, "Hey, why'd you turn this way? I thought we were going to the store." Jolted from whatever mental detour she'd been traversing, she says, "Oh. We are. I don't know why I turned there." That's somewhat strange, doncha think?

But undoubtedly the best of all is this: Let's say you are friends with a couple for a long time. Like several years. One night you are at their house along with a large group of all your friends and you want to pray for this couple. The couple whose house you are at. The couple you've known for years. Ok, so you start out really well, "Dear Lord, please help.....um....." and your mind goes completely blank! Names? Who knows. Your mind frantically searches and come up with nada, "Yeah, please help uh...." Luckily, your good friend, the guy, chimes in, "Brian and Sue...!" Yeah, that's embarassing. But at least they weren't mad at me. Not like the time I got excited because I saw a friend drive up, and I said, "Hey, look, Gloria's here!" Everyone gets excited because Gloria was there, but in the door walks Victoria. I meant Victoria, but for some reason I said Gloria. Everyone laughs it off, but strangely enough.....call her Gloria for the rest of night on accident. Gloria/Victoria didn't seem to enjoy our little slips of the lip as much as we were. Unfortunately for her, this bad habit was catching with our church friends; about half the congregation started doing it. Victoria and I had always been good friends, but I know that after the Gloria incident wound down, she still wondered why I did it. Hey, it was just a slip of the lip.

Just sayin.

It's so nice to have a man around the house!

Chris was in the kitchen working away at the bacon for our BLTs the other night (he's the baconator) when I whirl around the corner and get a load of this vision! Hey, whoever said a man can't sizzle in the kitchen?

;)


Don't be jealous, girls. I did the clean-up!

Strange Days

I spied on my neighbor this morning (10x optical super-zoom, hellow!). He is the barely discernable blur in front of the headlight beam. This is what he was doing - shoveling a little walkway for his beloveds in case they had to step toe outside the house. Doesn't look like fun, does it? And on his way to work, too. My across-the-street neighbor was snow blowing at 5:41 this morning. Hmph! I can't be too mad, though. His wife Kristen leaves very early for her daily Grand Rapids commute. And poor Chris? He was trying to get the frozen door unstuck on the car. Hm...shoulda parked in the garage, n'est ce pas? The views below demonstrate the extent to which I am willing to brave the elements to bring you late breaking views of the wintry weather. The amount of snow on the front porch - and my door! - attest to the blizzard-y conditions!

Some of my favorite pics

I'm trying to write a blog post about the fascinating world of the presidential primaries, but my thoughts aren't coming together, so I thought I might regale all of you with some of my favorite pics over the last couple years. Remember, you can click on each of these pictures to view them full size. So, here goes....This first picture is a favorite because as all the kids at Emily's talent show were giving a final bow, they were all distracted by something on the floor. It was the little girl who sang "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." What is so cute about it is that I just happened to snap the pic as all the kids turned their heads to find her flat on her stomach. How that happened when all they were doing was taking a bow is beyond me! Emily is right up front there with the black dress on. She looked so beautiful that day!



I love this picture of Brit and Robbie on the day Britt graduated from Grand Haven High School. We were sitting at the very top of the back of the auditorium that day (I sat slam-blam right next to Chris's ex-wife Sundy and boy, was it HOT), and when the Principal called Britt's name, Chris yelled loud enough for the whole auditorium to hear, "Britt, you rock!" Everyone laughed. Later that day we had a joint graduation party for Britt and Robbie at our house (Robbie had just graduated from CMU). Now Britt is almost finishing up her radiology studies at Baker, and Robbie is almost done with her graduate work at Western. We are very proud of these girls!



Here are the cousins at the graduation party. I love this picture because Sam, who is decidedly somewhat goth, has her mother's grace and can't hide it with her princess wave. That is her brother Dan standing next to the table. And their parents - Chris's brother Johnny and his wife, Amy are to the right here. This is right before they moved to California, and we've all missed them terribly. We are hoping they can all come back for the wedding. The only time we've seen them is when they flew home for Chris's sister's funeral. We'd much rather see them at a happy time - and God knows, our wedding is going to be the party of the century!

Here are a couple pictures from Robbie's graduation day over at CMU. The picture with the two girls includes Robbie's roommate Emily and her other friend whose name I have forgotten. Robbie sure is a striking young woman. The other picture is Robbie hugging her Grandma (Chris's mom) right after she exited the auditorium. It was an emotional moment. You can also see Chris's dad in the background of that picture, almost like I framed it that way. Such a photographic genius, I am!


I love every picture of Chris with little Gabby. Gabby is his ex-wife's sister's daughter. Because they all lived with Chris and his family, he was there when Gabby was a baby, and he was incredibly close to her. It is really sad that he almost never gets to see her anymore. Divorce is just the worst. He misses Gabby like crazy, but every time he sees her, she just runs for him as fast as she can yelling, "Uncle Chris! Uncle Chris!"



I just can't resist another picture of Chris and Gabby. This picture is on my mantle, and it makes me happy every time I look at it. For one thing, did you get a load of how handsome Chris is? Hellow!







As you can see, pumpkin carving is a lot more fun than you remember! Every year we each carve pumpkins and then take a ton of pictures of them out on the front porch. This year was really warm and the pumpkins all melted down well before Halloween, which was too bad because we had some awesome pumpkins! We're all pretty creative and artistic, so honestly, our pumpkin viewing is quite a treat. The pictures, though....not so much. I've never been able to get the lighting right to really see the pumpkins in all their glory. Darn it all!

Another holiday tradition is that we all decorate for Christmas. This year I told Chris I thought our house looked more like a Christmas novelty shop than a house. He really likes his decorations! This picture isn't so good because I had the camera on the wrong setting on accident and Grace and Emily are blurs, but you get the general idea. We really enjoy doing this together as a family. By the way, the "little girl" next to Chris is Britt! When we worked together last year, I used to tell everyone to as her if she was a dwarf or a midget! :)

Here is my rumpled old family on Christmas morning last year. Oh, Britt and Robbie would kill me if they knew this picture was being posted on my blog! But I just love their puffy faces and their kinked up hair. Trust me, that's not something they let the world see too often! I can't believe how young Grace, Emily and Brandie look in this picture! My, how they've grown! Just wait....you'll see!

More favorites

Here are Brooke and Paige at the Easter Egg Hunt last year at Ray and Cindy's house. It was really funny because the older kids picked up certain colored eggs, all of which contained - not candy - but chores! In order to get out of the chores, the kids had to successfully complete a number of challenges. One of the challenges was they had to take a test (multiple choice)! Brandie got the most points on the test because she put "poop" as her answer every time it appeared. And apparently, poop was a popular correct answer! Ray would know, though, because he's the one who made up the test. Just tells you a little something about him, doesn't it?

Grace was in a play last year, "The Emporer's New Clothes." It was really funny and clever and here she is with her two friends, Samantha and Lauren. Grace's part was the mother of Lauren, who played Peter, the golden-tongued tailor who sold the king a bill of goods. Grace had been in hot competition for the lead female position, that of queen, but it was given to Jamie Hoogeboom just because her dad was a pro football player and is a local hero because he was on "Survivor" (he lost!). Anyway, the director wrote in a part for Grace because he thought she was so good. Ok, ok....sour grapes!

These pictures are from Grace's graduation from 5th grade into middle school. Here she is with her friend, Samantha. Unfortunately, this year Samantha has been trying to get into (ugh!) Jamie Hoogeboom's group of friends and has sort of left her old friends behind. Middle school, anyone? Grace hasn't minded too much since she's made a lot of new friends this year. But Samantha was a good friend to her last year, and as soon as she realizes things aren't always greener with the "popular" kids, she'll be back. Or so I think.

There's that man of mine! He's mugging with his new polarized sun glasses as he heads out for fishing. Don't ask me what he did to his arm....that man is constantly hurting himself (usually working). Although....we can't forget the hook incident last summer. I came home from work and Grace ran out of the house, "Did you hear? Chris is at the hospital!" I nearly fainted. Apparently his friend Brooks (!) had stuck him really well with a big nasty bait lure right in his knuckle, right in his bone. But this cast I think is from when he did something to his tendons working on the....lawn mower? I love that man of mine!

Here they are, almost all grown up! Could there be anything as momentous as the first day of middle school? The girls were jittery, but judging by how they are doing, middle school is the best thing that ever happened to them. My, how times have changed, huh? Here is a picture of Emily on her first day of school this year, too. She has thrived this year, mostly because she can enjoy herself without worrying about Grace, and what she might say about it. Luckily for us, all three girls get along extremely well (except for that ever-present sibling rivalry between Grace and Emily.) Oh, in case you didn't know, Grace is going by Anna this year at schoool. Now that she's all grown up, you know! ;)

And this year has also brought.....the Buc Blaster! This is what they call the middle school dances here in "Buc" territory. Here are some pics from some really giggly girls before embarking! The first pic includes Kaylie, Brandie's friend. The second pic is of Grace and her friend, Sandra. You can read all about their adventures on Grace's blog!

Here is how Emily felt about not going to the Buc Blaster. That kid kills me!

Not nearly done with the favorites.....

Course you'd like to think that I'm going to run out of pictures any time now. Well, think again! Here come some more favorites!

We LOVE Halloween at our house and here we are again, doing our best to scare the pants off the poor little tikes Molly and Kendall across the street. Boooo-ey pumpkins! Mine is that awesome one at Emily's feet. C'est moi!

We had a BLAST on Halloween night. We invited everyone over here to trick or treat and had a house full of ghouls and goblins - and their kids in great costumes! Watch out, or Paige is going to kill you with her magic wand! The blonde next to Grace is her friend Molly, and just so you know, Grace's costume was the absolute bomb. She was a punk witch and my mom made her costume from scratch (along with Emily's medieval princess costume). I did all the makeup....you can send your congratulations on my excellent artistry in the comments below. :)

Here are all the girls again on the night we put up Christmas decorations this year. I gave you a close up so you could see all of their bright, shining faces instead of another shot of the living room, which is basically the same setup as last year. The girls were a little spoiled this year with each of them getting mp3 media players, and Britt with a handful of gift cards - her favorite! Jewelry was the close second this year with all the girls. We needn't be surprised!

Ok, this is the last....

Ah! Here is a picture I forgot above! It is a picture of Chantze killing his two (princess) sisters. It was a lovely moment. Paige appears to be preparing to give him the what-for and a sobering clob with her magic wand. Dang, that night was fun! Now I can't wait till next year!




Here is my honey all dressed up for New Year's Eve. We ended up having a wonderful night and even though Chris says my picture is beautiful, I'm not smiling and I look stoned, so I'm not posting that picture. It is definitely not a favorite! But, just to be nice I decided to post this picture of us from last fall. We had both just gotten out of work and dang if we don't look tired! I still like the picture though....primarily because it is not a body shot of me. P.S. check out that cute picture of Emily over Chris's shoulder on his NYE pic. Isn't she cute?


Birthdays, birthdays, birthdays! Can you guess who is celebrating their special day below?









Hints: Brittt was 19, Brandie was 12 and Emily was 10. Now can you guess?






















I don't know if you can tell, but I'm starting to get sleepy. It's not really 12:02 AM like it says below...I have to edit that to make my blogs appear in the order I want you to view them in (instead of the order in which I created them.) In actuality it is 3:16 AM and I am about to keel over with exhaustion. There are some pictures I took around the house our first spring here, but I'm too tired to post them now. I'll post them tomorrow. Or the next day.

I just gotta say this

Has anyone noticed the lack of coverage of the GOP primary races? Perhaps you haven't noticed....but it is very interesting, so you'll have to forgive me for crossing the ol' political line and bringing this to your attention even though I know you all hate politics. It is just too juicy not to mention!!!!

Ok, four years ago in the 2004 election, a young, virtually unknown first-time Democratic Senator from Illinois made a rousing, inspiring, knock-your-socks-off speech at the Democratic National Convention. His name: Barack Obama. I said it then, "I guarantee he will be running for President in four years." And the DNC conspired it that way. Why else would the keynote speaker be an unknown, unexperienced junior Senator? And don't think it was any accident that he gave the speech of his life. There are no accidents or coincedences in politics, believe me.

Ok, so Obama was a given for the Democratic primary race. But what on earth is going on with the Republicans? Based on the paltry press coverage, it's hard to know. MSN has a Primary 08 section on their website. Of the 12 or so articles, virtually all were about the Democratic race and the outcome of the Republican primary in South Carolina made not one headline.

The shock here is that normally the Republicans have at least a few news organizations in their camp per election cycle. The GOP

Snow Head

So, Emily comes inside from playing outside with our neighbor Brian. I was busy cutting up veggies for tacos, and Emily asked if she could help. Sure, I said. I slid the cutting board over and let her go at it. That was when I first got a good look at her.

Emily sat there happily cutting up the tomato, and perched atop her cute little head is a pile of snow. Yes! A pile of snow! As she had only been in the house a couple mintues, it hadn't started to melt yet, and she couldn't feel it. I immediately began to laugh uproariously and told her to hold still and don't move a muscle. I ran and grabbed the camera and snapped these two cute pictures of my lil darlin. At the point where I took the picture, she still did not know she had a pile of snow on her head. When she saw the pictures I took, she started laughing really hard and ran over to the sink and brushed it off. What a kid!