The Best Revenge

It is no secret that this has been a horrendous year for me. I’ve been beaten down, dragged out and kicked straight in the ass. Numerous times. I have spent a considerable time wallowing in self pity and pure 100% grief, as is normal.

But the time for that has ended. Oh, I know I’ve declared war on my despair numerous times in this blog, which is far less than I’ve declared it to friends and family. However, the truth is, when you are fighting continually difficult circumstances, you need to make daily decisions to keep on fighting and not give up.

I got an earful this weekend about what a terrible human being I am and how it is amazing that someone as morally corrupt and despicable as myself is even allowed to draw breath upon this earth. It really hit me hard, as I am a person that takes things very much to heart as I strive to do better, live right and improve myself. Yet again I found myself plunged into despair as I lost grip of someone who is a very, very dear soul to me.

But I can not and will not stay there. As flawed as I am, I am determined to fight to make myself a better person. I can not give up and let the circumstances of my life tear apart what little I have left to be grateful for. You can not beat a person who doesn’t give up. And as much as life has thrown at me, I have discovered that I am not a person who gives up.

So, I will take my revenge upon those that have thwarted me, accused me and screamed malignantly hateful things at me. My revenge will be to live well, and to know that each night that my enemy lays her head upon her pillow, it will be her heart that has to question the reality of what she has taken for herself, while I sleep the bliss-filled restful sleep of the repented and forgiven.

Julie,

You can feel confident that my involvement with Dan has been terminated. I can’t take anymore pain and hurt and lies and deception and manipulation. Dan knows that above all things, I hate manipulation. I fully and completely believe at this point that he lied and manipulated me to keep me involved. And that knowledge absolutely crushes me.

You say that you don’t understand me, yet you do. You obviously know what it is to truly love someone; after all, you have forgiven Dan and allowed him to stay. Julie, understand that as heinous and morally corrupt as it was for me to be involved with him, I truly believed every word he said to me about needing me, about being unhappy, about everything. And I loved him passionately, fiercely…despite the grinding of my continually-eroding conscience. I fought for just a little more time with him, knowing that one day he would tell me he couldn’t see me anymore. I know I am guilty of moral turpitude. I am living out the consequence of that moment by moment. If you wished my soul to be tortured, if you wished every bit of hurt back on me that I have inflicted on you, you have gotten your wish. I have seen my life systematically fall apart over the last year. Losing Dan is just one more devastation in what has been a series of dashed hopes, failures and crushing defeats. I am beaten. I am discouraged. I am utterly devastated. And you have every right to bask in the glow of my hurt and humiliation. I lost. I am alone. I will most likely be alone for a long time to come and honestly doubt whether I will ever have a happy ending. Consider yourself the winner in every aspect. You most definitely are.

-L.

Extreme Makeover

You know how they say the best way to make sure you will do something is to make sure everyone knows you are going to do it? That way, conventional wisdom says, you are setting yourself up for public humiliation if you don't.

Despite my life-long penchant for public humiliation, I am still inclined to this way of thinking. So, people get ready. Come February 14th I will be revealing my Totally New and Incredibly Sexy Beachbody! I have exactly 90 days to go from fat and flabby to toned and curvy (wouldn't want to eliminate those!) using my "Kathy Smith's Project: YOU" program.

Pardon me for saying, but Kathy Smith has the same body type I do and had I not gained weight, I'd be sporting her figure. And she's not all corny-ass acting like most trainers. She's got this loose-jointed, casual way of working out that kicks ol' Denise Austin's flabby ass. I can't stand they way Denise Austin bounces like she's a f*cking cheerleader. Plus, this program rotates Pilates, yoga, cardio (kickboxing) and weight training. Good. Perfect.

Wanna know something else? For a long time now, I've been harboring a secret desire to take martial arts classes. And there are classes where parents and kids can do it together, and Grace really wants to but I'm just too embarassed to do it with my mile-high ass and jelly-roll hips, not to mention the fact that I have an "apron" obscuring my abdomen that FLOPS when I jog or jump. I can just hear the instructor saying, "Who keeps clapping?" I'd want to slink out but I'd have to waddle out instead. It's enough to give me nightmares.

So, my brilliant idea is to get into shape not only because I don't like being fat, but because I want to take martial arts classes with my daughter. And that, people, is the best reason I can think of.

So, come next February 14th, I will be sporting a kick-ass derriere, sexy calves and hourglass figure. And when Grace and Emily and I start our martial arts together, let's spar!

Now that I've told everyone, I have no choice but to do it. And do it, I will.

By popular demand....

I am afraid I have to burst some anticipatory bubbles out there in blogdom. Because my computer is dead and my hectic, hectic lifestyle prevents most trips to the library, I will probably only be blogging on a once-weekly basis until either I get a new computer or enter the pearly gates. But hey, at least I'll be blogging, right? I sincerely considered giving it up rather than continually disappoint my dear readers, but then I remembered what an important function I am fulfilling in society through my witty and somewhat entertaining posts. C'est ca, I've compromised. Once a week it will be.

C'est moi!!!!

Don't be ashamed to admit it....you've all missed me!! Well, I'm back! And good as new. Better, in fact. I'm older, wiser, better employed...life can turn out grand even after hating on corporate America. Doesn't it just warm your heart?

So, here's the update you have all been dying to hear. I'm now working as an executive assistant for the State Director of Michigan and Colorado's Medicare Pt D prescription coverage enrollments. For my foreign friends, I'll translate. This means that the six degrees of seperation between myself and the largest corporate evil of all time, the Bush Administration, has considerably dwindled. However, I am not looking a gift horse in the mouth. After all, paying bills has become somewhat of a habit and you know habits are. Gotta feed the monkey.

This short and succint communication will have to do. I am supposed to be getting some licenses taken care of for the poor clowns who actually have to go out and sell this prescription coverage. Expect to hear from me again quite, quite soon!

Smooch!