Friday, July 29, 2005

Office of the Future

So, I'm getting ready for work this morning and realize how much slower I am at putting on my make up etc if I sit down to do it. There's something about standing up that makes me whiz through it. (*note: I am hopelessly near-sighted and either have to lean waaaay over the sink so my nose is two inches away from the mirror, or I sit down with a hand-held mirror to do it. C'est ca.) Which got me to thinking about what my life will be like when I get out of the training portion of my new job and head into the work-a-day world of a call center. Now, I'm used to having a job where I was not chained to my desk. Although I was chained to the phones, I was frequently up and out of my seat, due to other job requirements, several times an hour. If I wasn't, I became restless, bored and achy. Moving around frequently was good for me. Apparently I am not the only person to feel this way.

Dr. Adam Levine, an obesity researcher at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn has been developing a new work environment that encompasses NEAT, non-exercise activity thermogenesis. You may recall my old post about sleeping on top of the covers to make our bodies burn more calories. In effect, our bodies are like big, old factories requiring heat energy to keep us warm. This heat energy is produced by the burning of calories. Simple science. Dr. Levine capitalizes on this fact by designing workstations that require workers to participate in a very low level of activity while they work. For instance, a work station may be attached to a treadmil set at 1 mph so the employee walks at a slow pace while working, without breaking a sweat or becoming winded. This low level of activity yields some big results. Dr. Levine estimates that the average person will burn an additional 100 calories per hour with as much as 1000 calories per day. Overall, this could result in a fifty pound weight loss per year with no other changes either to diet or exercise. What obese person wouldn't jump at the chance to do this?!? Hellow, one of the biggest hurdles to my weight loss is finding a way to fit in the time to get it done with everything else I'm doing. Voila! Problem solved. Thank you, Dr. Levine.

Now another of Dr. Levine's innovations is the moving meeting. Instead of sitting around a table discussing strategies and solutions, meeting-goers would pace the track together looking at the whiteboard walls as they go around. Now, as wonderful as all of this sounds, I can't help but find myself feeling very skeptical about the potential for success here as I look around the training room and my fellow trainees. Now, I certainly could be throwing the first french fry here, but most of the women in my class make me look petite. I'm talking two to three Muskegon units each. And extra large chairs.

However, all hope is not lost. I've noticed a marked prediliction for all things sweet and squishy by the fellow trainees. So, using the old donkey following a carrot scenario, I can totally imagine my coworkers chasing the donuts around the track. How's that for the office of the future?

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Ain't No Holla-back Girl

I'd like to say a word in defense of forgiveness. Defense, you say? No one is attacking the concept of forgiveness, so that you know, so why defend it? Ok, thank you for asking. I am defending forgiveness because....

NO ONE LIKES TO FORGIVE BAD GUYS. Bad guys should eat dirt and learn to love it. Right?

Well, let me refute you. I recently had a bad experience. Someone hurt me. Now, I had every right under God to get mad and stay mad. As a matter of fact, no one would have blamed me if I had done something really mean like taken out a billboard in his hometown detailing his exploits. But I didn't. I forgave.

Now, you all know that humility is my middle name and that I would be the last person to toot my own horn, but forgiving him makes me a good person. Better than good. Saintly. But that is kind of beside the point.

My exemplary characteristics aside, defending forgiveness goes deeper than the validation it gives me (as much as I looooove validation). It is about moving on. Being healthy. And someday being whole enough to let good things into my life. Ok, so I've hit the whole person stage and am ready to get on with the good things life has to offer me. So, of course, my attention turns to all of you.

I can't help but think of the ugliness that unforgiveness breeds. I think of it like a canker. You hold something against someone because some day you are going to whip it out and lash 'em with it. But what happens is that canker begins to infect the area around the heart. It begins to flow through the veins. It begins to poison everything you touch. And you know the worst of it? That ugliness, that poison, it rarely gets spewed on the source of your unforgiveness. No, that poison gets spewed all over the ones you love the most, the ones you breathe and eat and sleep with. Yeah, we think our unforgiveness is a weapon against the one who hurt us. In reality, all it does is ensure that all the other relationships you once enjoyed get tainted, too. So much for love.

Friday, July 22, 2005

Just Shake It, Baby, Shake It

A blink and it's gone. But it was there. A virus invaded this blog, posted strange, twisted tales of love gone wrong, heart ache and financial penury. This virus, devious little devil that it was, even posted replies to my poor confused readers who actually believed the urban myths being touted by said worm. While the worm is as good as gone, I doth fear it could rear its ugly head again. Thus, I've countered. Fire with fire.

Grouping the mental loins of my mind, I have devised a plan by which we can thwart said worm should there be random recurrences of its ugliness. But I will need your help, Dear Readers. If you would please join with me in this fight to the death against a viral anomaly bent on destroying the narcisstic armour I have constructed so diligently, shielding my true persona from the harsh light of celebrity, I would be immensely grateful.

What needs to transpire is merely this. If a post should appear here which mysteriously reeks of truth, transparency or unabashed sincerity, the Dear Readers need to spring into action. As quickly as your nimble little fingers are able, post a response which includes the code words "snake in the grass" or "snake on the loose" or "uncurable maniac invades blog." I have installed a hidden device which, upon detecting these words will instantaneously send me a super-buzzing text message on my phone instructing me to call a secret 1-900 number where I will hear nothing but the words: "Who doth hast the unalienable right of pretension?" whereby I will give the password "Thy delectible diva, Bunnyjo." After a series of beeps, a computer generated voice will direct me to enter my secret 4-digit pin number. Then I will have to verify the last four digits of my social security number. Then, after spelling my mother's maiden name, the computer-generated voice will read the posted message. Pressing # then activates a seek-and-destroy counter-worm programmed to decimate any invading worm within contact. Voila! Problem solved. Ingenius, yes?

It is good to be Bunnyjo.