I'd like to say a word in defense of forgiveness. Defense, you say? No one is attacking the concept of forgiveness, so that you know, so why defend it? Ok, thank you for asking. I am defending forgiveness because....
NO ONE LIKES TO FORGIVE BAD GUYS. Bad guys should eat dirt and learn to love it. Right?
Well, let me refute you. I recently had a bad experience. Someone hurt me. Now, I had every right under God to get mad and stay mad. As a matter of fact, no one would have blamed me if I had done something really mean like taken out a billboard in his hometown detailing his exploits. But I didn't. I forgave.
Now, you all know that humility is my middle name and that I would be the last person to toot my own horn, but forgiving him makes me a good person. Better than good. Saintly. But that is kind of beside the point.
My exemplary characteristics aside, defending forgiveness goes deeper than the validation it gives me (as much as I looooove validation). It is about moving on. Being healthy. And someday being whole enough to let good things into my life. Ok, so I've hit the whole person stage and am ready to get on with the good things life has to offer me. So, of course, my attention turns to all of you.
I can't help but think of the ugliness that unforgiveness breeds. I think of it like a canker. You hold something against someone because some day you are going to whip it out and lash 'em with it. But what happens is that canker begins to infect the area around the heart. It begins to flow through the veins. It begins to poison everything you touch. And you know the worst of it? That ugliness, that poison, it rarely gets spewed on the source of your unforgiveness. No, that poison gets spewed all over the ones you love the most, the ones you breathe and eat and sleep with. Yeah, we think our unforgiveness is a weapon against the one who hurt us. In reality, all it does is ensure that all the other relationships you once enjoyed get tainted, too. So much for love.
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16 comments:
You have to forgive...other wise you'll lose your hair and your teeth will fall out, and you'll lose your boobs.
ok, ok...for real, I really do think it's important to forgive. If you don't forgive, you life is full of people you're mad at or people you hold grudges against. The truth is, those negitive feelings can effect not only your mental health, but also your general health as well.
Besides, we all know we do things that we want other people to forgive us for, and how can we expect that when we don't know how to forgive, or don't forgive?
The trick is though, once you say, I forgive you. You have to not dwell on it. The 'sin' has to be put behind you. Forgive, then forget. Try not to relive and regret.
Total agreement, there, Shortstuff. And you bring up the best reason for forgiving: keeping those boobs plump. Yowza.
I think I finally figured out why my stuff is sagging so bad.
You are absolutely right. Absolutely. Everybody wants revenge these days, but vengeful thinking is like a disease. If every cruel act yields retaliation, it will never end.
And what kind of place would this world be with no hair, teeth, and boobs?
Nope. Sorry but this forgive and forget thing is not me.
I'd rather let go and ignore but keep a little 'record' in mind.
To prevent further mistakes and abuse.
Also I don't pardon that much. I'm good at going on without letting stuff get to me though.
Remember what you told me about picking friendships?! That is one of the secrets of my good luck...
um, Laura? didja ever notice that sometimes you say, like, weird stuff? you know? no offense or whatever, but, then you say foreign stuff, and that's probably weird too, except most of us can't understand it, cuz it's foreign, but, um, you're weird. That's all.
Did I stumble in on the boob blog? This site didnt come up when I searched google for boobs...like I usually do ;-)
*I had a link but it was inappropiate for this blog
I'm telling! His link was to this chick who wanted to be a model, so brilliante that she is, she was offering anyone the opportunity to email her with a word or phrase and she'd write it on her ta-tas in lipstick, snap a digital shot and email it back. Wonder how her modeling career is going?!?!
I think you are a Holla-Back girl! :-P
Um, wait a second....What's a holla-back girl? Is that like a booty call?
NO.
Dad, is that you? While Gwen characterizes a holla-back girl as one kick-ass confident bitches, I am using it as an analogy to not hollering back when people hurt me. Savvy?
That was a really insightful comment on forgiveness! I'd been surfing through some pretty arid blogs recently, so that was a surprise.
May I add that, in my experience, the poison of unforgiveness hurts the holder of the grudge--maybe more than anyone. And resentment based on one big wrong done you can spread and spread 'til it poisons you're whole view of the world.
Leonard
Exactly right. Pretty insightful yourself. I like you already, Leo!
Forgiveness is great! and necessary! It should NEVER MEAN you're still talking to the S.O.B.! For example: "hi, I just wanted to let you know that I've forgiven you." Usually read by unscrupulous, immature, grasping a**wipes as: "you can call me anytime and I'll be nice to you again." Recipe for ongoing neverending disaster.
I agree. However, it is liberating to be able to say here's a line in the sand. I live over here on this side and anyone who can toe the line can hang out with me. The liberating part is being able to live with the results, regardless of what they are. You know, not needing to follow that recipe. Being free to eat somewhere else if I want. :)
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