You know how they say the best way to make sure you will do something is to make sure everyone knows you are going to do it? That way, conventional wisdom says, you are setting yourself up for public humiliation if you don't.
Despite my life-long penchant for public humiliation, I am still inclined to this way of thinking. So, people get ready. Come February 14th I will be revealing my Totally New and Incredibly Sexy Beachbody! I have exactly 90 days to go from fat and flabby to toned and curvy (wouldn't want to eliminate those!) using my "Kathy Smith's Project: YOU" program.
Pardon me for saying, but Kathy Smith has the same body type I do and had I not gained weight, I'd be sporting her figure. And she's not all corny-ass acting like most trainers. She's got this loose-jointed, casual way of working out that kicks ol' Denise Austin's flabby ass. I can't stand they way Denise Austin bounces like she's a f*cking cheerleader. Plus, this program rotates Pilates, yoga, cardio (kickboxing) and weight training. Good. Perfect.
Wanna know something else? For a long time now, I've been harboring a secret desire to take martial arts classes. And there are classes where parents and kids can do it together, and Grace really wants to but I'm just too embarassed to do it with my mile-high ass and jelly-roll hips, not to mention the fact that I have an "apron" obscuring my abdomen that FLOPS when I jog or jump. I can just hear the instructor saying, "Who keeps clapping?" I'd want to slink out but I'd have to waddle out instead. It's enough to give me nightmares.
So, my brilliant idea is to get into shape not only because I don't like being fat, but because I want to take martial arts classes with my daughter. And that, people, is the best reason I can think of.
So, come next February 14th, I will be sporting a kick-ass derriere, sexy calves and hourglass figure. And when Grace and Emily and I start our martial arts together, let's spar!
Now that I've told everyone, I have no choice but to do it. And do it, I will.
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9 comments:
If not now, then when? If not you, who?
Let me just say....completing my first workout told me all I needed to know: my ass is not only flabby, but amazingly weak and completely lacking any stamina whatsoever. It is amazing I can walk upright, my muscles are so weak. Apparently all the sitting I've done as a student and an "office person" has let those little muscles atrophy. I guess my amazingly flat (but tall and flabby) ass was a clue to the lack of muscular strength there. Thank God that's about to change.
Although I hate it when anyone says this to me... (it's so "faux street")
"YOU GO, GIRL!"
- M
Oh no you don't! You're not leaving me behind! I will NOT sit still and let everyone around me become fabulously fit and active! Er, that is, yes, I probably will..
Okay, no I won't! I'm going to finish this very last Mountain Dew ever, go have a cigarette, and then I'm on board. In fact, I'll do a brisk walk around the block WHILST smoking. Thereby cancelling out the bad effects of the cigarette and the soda.
I read this somewhere long ago: "So remember girls, if you don't exercise, some other girl will!" It makes sense in a convoluted way and once motivated me to begin. As I said, long ago. You can do it, I know you will, I have no doubt. I got to see Kathrin perform some of her Korean martial arts moves and it was really cool...would love to see the girls make those moves!
HOLY CRAP, YOU'RE BACK!
Want me to post some pictures I have of you to your blog to help motivate you to work out?
(I still remember your password)
Paying bills... that is exactly why tomorrow is a working day and my holidays are over. Still, glad to see you're back posting and most of all glad to see things are getting better for you.
Regarding those martial arts classes I think you should start regardless how fit you are: they will help getting you into shape and if you try to get into shape before starting to exercise you'll end up procrastinating ad aeternum. Take care.
I experienced Laura's home cooking twice recently. She invited us to Thanksgiving dinner and it was a gourmet's delight. Forget about not overeating, because food like this isn't something that can be resisted. Then a few dsys later I had some home-made soup/stew. Ahhhh...had to hold myself back and only eat two bowls. So Laura, if you want to lose weight, don't eat your own cooking. That is my advice.
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