Friday, May 19, 2006

Fighting well

I have a reputation in my family as being contentious. I believe this widely-held opinion is rooted in the fact that I tend to wear my thoughts and feelings on my proverbial sleeve. Hmph.

However, as Chris can tell you, I'm not so contentious, really, as toddler-ish. I'm incredibly loving, thoughtful, articulate and self-sacrificing at times, and then at other times I can be somewhat selfish, thoughtlessly dingy, easily confused and tantrum-y. C'est moi!

Luckily, Chris happens to adore this about me.

Like how I ran back into the house to turn my sweater around the front way today. Or how I told him what a knuckle-biter that scary movie was. Or exclaimed that was the best tree fort I'd ever seen when in fact it was a deer hunting tree stand. And how when we go somewhere together with me driving, I just take random turns here and there regardless of where we are actually going. You know, that kinda stuff.

The good news in all of this, folks, is that we fight really well. Like last night, which happened to be a beautiful, fun, peaceful and relaxing evening up until the point I got jealous because he told his ex-wife on the phone that he wasn't feeling well when she asked how he was doing. Now that's childish.

But maybe not tooooooo childish.

So after getting off the phone he bopped back to our chair in the living room and invited me to snuggle up with him. After snuggling for a few moments, I felt my feelings soothed to a point where I felt the release to tell him that it was an old habit of him to confide things to her, and he needs to just break that habit if he wants me to be happy. Or something of that sort.

Chris stiffened, took off his glasses slowly, and looked intently into my eyes and said, "Where in the hell did that come from?!"

A question we'd all like an answer to, no doubt. Including me.

After petulantly explaining to him that although I'd rather she never come any closer to him than the other side of the highway, I know that it is better for us and better for Brandie if we maintain a good relationship with her, but sometimes my strong aversion to her raises its ugly head and I get that creepy-crawly feeling all over my skin anyway. The fact that she is beautiful, of course, has nothing to do with my feelings whatsoever.

My explanation didn't make him feel any better. In fact, he said, it concerned him greatly. He, of course, was thinking not of his ex, but mine.

After an hour of me pouting and him with his sometimes silence and sometimes quiet, serious talking with significant questions and statements, and sometimes staring stonily at the ceiling or wall, we came to the peaceful conclusion that we both have a little bit of a jealousy issue with exes.

After that, we took a nice respite from staring stonily at the walls to stare lovingly into each other's eyes.

And that, folks, was the contentious toddler girl in a typical "fight" with the man who changed her entire life. And made it good. And love-ly. And fulfilling. And un-lonely.

This fighting well thing has something to be said for it.

39 comments:

Chill Daddy said...

He's probably jealous of your ex because of the terrific heat and noise your interactions create.

It's spectacular, folks, like a hurricane, an eclipse, and a fusion reaction all rolled into one.

bunnyjo georg said...

That's not the ex that has Chris concerned. But, speaking of W, Chris thinks he's peculiar and despises our inability to be consistently civil to each other. Chris is absolutely determined that his interactions with his ex will never resemble my interactions with the W. But it really is something interesting to witness. In a rubbernecking sort of way.

grandlar said...

control is the answer.....(I think) its a way of winning the battle...( I think) controlling your anger that is....or jealousy or any other negative thoughts that enter your head. some have it and some dont....hope I do...not sure however...lol

bunnyjo georg said...

I win the battle of controlling those toddlerish thoughts about 95% of the time. The times I don't, I usually can control what I say and how I react. I've come a long way, but it really helps when both people are committed to not saying mean things or shouting or behaving like a crazy person. It's like a whole new world for me! ;)

grandlar said...

thats my girl.....your doing just fine....you will be totaly perfect one day like your mom and grandma..lol.....keep the good times rolling....

shortensweet said...

Being jealous of an ex is very understandable. When you love someone, you don't want them to have ever been loved or have loved or shared what you have with anyone else.
However, if it wasn't for ex's you 1. couldn't be together now, or 2. be the people you are today, and those two people are very happy, and very in love.

VeeFlower said...

The being civil thing works so much better, although I know firsthand that W does his best to push those buttons hard that cause us all to fly off the handle. As for the other ex, his selfishness and spinal cracker "patheticness" should be obvious to you by now, so I am assuming those feelings are long gone. As I have always said, it isn't whether or not you fight, it is how you fight. When a fight can clear the air, clarify things, reassure, or resolve, they are fights that advance the relationship. I think you both did well.

bunnyjo georg said...

:) That's what Chris said yesterday. He said we are the people we are because of what we've gone through and everything we've done up to this point in our lives has brought us together.

He's a gem, an absolute gem.

Bonnie Blithe said...

I logged on here looking for some PHOTOS, girrrrrrrlllllllll!
Not this smarmy mushy appalling mumbo-jumbo!

Grace said...

Hey guys I got a new blog it`s at www.pinkchill101.blogspot.com

grandlar said...

I cnt seem to get your blog grace..dang it...are you sure the periods are in the right place?

DCveR said...

I'll let you in on a little secret: neither GH nor I were exactly angels before we met... we both had past experiences and quite a few exs.
She is not jealous, as long as some people don't cross in my way, I am jealous period.
How do we get over it? Honesty and trust.

grandlar said...

can you believe I thought grace was my grandchild and have been trying to get her blog...lol...finially did...its not my grandaughter...lol...feel so stupid.....lol

shortensweet said...

Grandma, it is your grandchild :)

She switched blog names. I'll update my link so it will be easier for you to get to it.

Now, you can feel stupid :P

Anonymous said...

when I went to the site it was not her....it was someone else....? from another country....honest....and it was all adult....not her.....pink chill 1o1

grandlar said...

now.....where in the heck are those pictures you promised? or maybe not promised but teased us with....dang nab it...get your ducks in a row...pleeeeeeeeease

DaveM said...

Where's the pictures?????

grandlar said...

DO YOU HAVE PICTURES? LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE.....I HAVE A TON OF GOLD IN MY GARAGE....EASY TO SAY BUT HARD TO PROVE...UNLESS OF COURSE i WAS TELLING THE TRUTH...LOL

Grandma Joanne said...

now I am really steamed......pictures.............pictures........pictures......

bunnyjo georg said...

OK OK! I'll get the pictures up tonight - right after I sweep and mop and get the house purrrrfect for Chris's birthday tomorrow

*wink wink*

Veeflower said...

Nyah nyah...I got to see the pictures she is talking about! And yes, they are wonderful pictures! I hope she gets them on here soon.

Chill Daddy said...

Is Chris having a birthday party? I don't think there's anything going on Saturday.

bunnyjo georg said...

Would you and Cindy like to bring the kids over for pasta and garlic bread tomorrow? It is just going to be a dinner with cake, all the kiddies, his parents, and mom, Fritz and Jamie so far. We'd love you guys to come!

shortensweet said...

UM..Saturday is MY party chill..you suck

DCveR said...

Happy B-day to Chris.

grandlar said...

Happy Birthday to Chris.....Happy birthday to you.....happy birthday happy birthday .....happppy birthdayyyyy to youuuuuuuuu ....and many more....

DaveM said...

Happy birthday Chris...........and have a word about the pictures will you.........we're all in suspenders here waiting.

bunnyjo georg said...

dave! You kill me - "we're all in suspenders here waiting"

Love it!

Thanks for the birthday wishes for Chris, everyone, but he's convinced computers are all part of the Big Brother conspiracy and therefore "doesn't do computers" However, I will send along your good wishes!

As for pictures...I told Chris that I want a night to relax tonight considering we've got something going every night this week except tonight! So.....keep your hats on, folks, you just might be getting some great pics downloaded here tonight!!!!

shortensweet said...

it's 10 13pm and no pictures, I'm sure she found something better to do. HMPF!

Veeflower said...

WEll, I guess she is trying to break Ray's record for the most number of hits without updating!?

bunnyjo georg said...

Well, I forgot that Brooklynn was coming over to play after school today and I cooked dinner and then cleaned up and then rubbed Chris's neck and shoulders and then folded laundry and then took Brooklynn home and then had a long talk with Grace and then collapsed into bed where I then had a long talk with Chris! And that, folks, is how I filled my hours from 5:00 until 12:30 last night! Ugh!

I knew you'd all razz me for not having pictures to post, so I thought I'd go online and get goofy pictures to post and pretend they were the ones I was going to post but I've been chasing rabbit trails all day at work today! Doncha just feel sorry for me!?!?

grandlar said...

awwwww poor baby...save the pictures.....if they are goofy..ok....I would rather wait intil you are rested and able to respond...ok ? but I am getting older by the day so please dont wait too long.....lol

Bonnie Blithe said...

WTF?

All things in moderation! You sound positively STEPFORD, dahling.

Chill Daddy said...

I'm not going to comment on this 'fighting well' post anymore. She's getting close to breaking my record.

I can't have that.

Veeflower said...

We are like totally bored with your blog so this will be my last comment until I see something new little gal.

Bonnie Blithe said...

ho HUM! You must be busy baking or something...

DaveM said...

hey now come on ....enoughs enough, we have been in suspenders, on tenterhooks., waiting with bated breath, waiting with bad breath even...........and still no photos........whats with this girl?????

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