Unhealed men ruin new hearts

Men don’t seek counseling… they seek new women.

Not healing. Not accountability. Not inner work. Just a fresh start with someone who doesn’t know the script yet. Someone who hasn’t seen behind the curtain. Someone they can impress with the same charm, the same story, the same false humility—because she hasn’t learned how deep the damage goes. Yet.

Instead of going to therapy, they go back to being “that awesome guy” that got you in the first place.

Instead of owning the pain they caused, they gaslight the memory of it. Pretend the pain you feel is a result of the thoughts you think not the things he did.

Instead of rebuilding what they broke with you, in you, they rebuild their image in someone else’s eyes. A brand new purchase, no need for any tune ups here!

Because healing requires honesty. Growth demands discomfort. Accountability asks for vulnerability. And some men would rather protect their ego than do the uncomfortable work of unpacking their trauma, their pride, their insecurities, and the patterns they keep blaming on “crazy exes.”

So they ghost the woman who knew the truth…

And charm the one who doesn’t.

They don’t want growth, they want a reset.

Not to change—just to relocate the lie.

But here’s the thing: you can run from your past, but it catches up in your patterns. You can get a new girl, a new number, a new city—but if the same version of you shows up, the story will end the same. Because unhealed men ruin new hearts.

Hey, you. Yes, you reading my words. Never take it personally when a man skips over healing and moves on quickly. That’s not a reflection of your worth. That’s a sign of how deep his avoidance runs. He didn’t choose her because she’s better—he chose her because she doesn’t yet require what you did: growth, honesty, emotional maturity. (He told me this very thing, this is what he liked about her)

Let him lie in peace. Let him pretend. Because that cycle only repeats until he finally meets himself. And that moment? Can’t be avoided forever.

And for the men reading this—go to therapy.

Heal so your love doesn’t become someone else’s lesson.

Do the work so your next relationship isn’t just a rerun in a different outfit.

The truth will always require more from you than a lie. But the truth will set you free.

If the counseling really worked, he would be 

1. confronting her when she lies to him
2. Telling her that he is upset about something and needs it to change
3. Holding her accountable for the change (is it happening or is it not?)
4. Not re-running in his mind all the things she’s done to him to upset him every time something happens that he doesn’t like

He thinks that having relationships where you do not have cross words is the goal. That if you don’t have cross words with your partner, everything will be fine. 

What he doesn’t understand is that all humans require acknowledgement of hurts from the ones they love and live with, and then they need to see correction. If this doesn’t happen, even in the best circumstances / relationship / partnership / love, things just will not work. 

And here in his new relationship, he’s found someone just as dedicated to not dealing with things as he is. Wonder how long that will last? How long he will feel “content” in those circumstances?

I’ve been in the place of loneliness and despair many times in my life. Where questioning my worth as a human being is once again on the table. And what comes out of it every time?

*Renewed sense of who I am, what I believe is important, and what I want out of life.

*Engaging with my better self. Knowing what is crucial to a happy life.

As Jack Sparrow so eloquently said, the only rules that really matter are these: what a man can do and what a man can’t do. I’ve learned it’s not enough to know where these boundaries lie in your own life. You had better be very sure about where these boundaries lie for people you let into your life. Because whatever they let into their life is coming into yours.