"On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for." And what should we pair our wine with, a big fat helping of despair?
"In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk." Just a Paris thing?
"Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?" The answer is, I do it everyday, right Chris? Oh, kill me! Not a good wife, no.
"In a Rome laundromat: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time."
"In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
"In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service." As opposed to really shitty self-service.
"On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion." Can I get that beaten up in the city people's fashion, please?
"In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here." Refreshing!
"From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself."
"From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor." Actually, this methodology explains how Chris and I fell in love; first he trumpeted me melodiously, and then followed up by tootling me with vigor.