Saturday, April 23, 2005

You game?

When in Rome, do as the Romans do. Since I live in Muskegon, does that mean that I must be obese, lazy and do nothing with my life? If you believe columnist Tracy Lorenz, the answer to that question would be a big “Hell yeah!”

However, Tracy’s most recent column was custom-made for the obese Muskegonite. Applying his mensa-worthy intellect to the three problems above, he devised a weight loss program that even a fat, lazy, do-nothing Muskegonite couldn’t fail.

His theory is simple. The body is like a furnace. It burns fat to maintain the 98.6 degree temperature required for normal functioning. Well, if that body were placed in cold environment for long periods of time, it would consume more of that fat fuel to keep things at 98.6 degrees, resulting in an over-all fat reduction. Voila…weight loss!

Actually, his theory has been proven by the Aleutians who live in northern Yukon Territory. They must consume large amounts of fat in their diet to replace the fat that is burned to keep them from freezing to death. I’m sure if you talked to a person from Iceland, they’d say the same.

Ok, since we don’t live north of the tundra line, how do we keep our bodies in a cold environment for long periods of time? Simple: sleep over your covers.

He lost seven pounds in seven days doing this.

So, I challenge any one of my blog readers to do the same. At the end of seven days, post your weight loss. I, on the other hand, will continue my regimen of healthy eating and exercise during that same seven day period. Comparing notes, we’ll determine if Tracy’s intellect is a mere cranial flatulence or real genius.

To quote Muskegon’s infamous former resident and now-columnist of our excesses: this is so simple, we can do this with our eyes…closed.

So, who’s game?


Tracy Lorenz said...

Cranial flatulence? You flatter me! I'm down 11 pounds by the way.


Anonymous said...

I have hot flashes. Damn it, I sleep with my window open and the fan on! Even in the winter! I wake up freezing several times a night. So!? What the hell....only the cat looks thinner. Mom

bunnyjo georg said...

Well...that's one vote for cranial flatulence. We shall see how the other readers "weigh in."

DCveR said...

Was that cold sleeping thing a way of telling fat people that they can become slim and go on eating like two galons of ice cream over four double quarter pounders with cheese for lunch?
What was it you wrote, cranial flatulence? Nah, don't think so, even that would be too much cleverness!

bunnyjo georg said...

Ouch! Me thinks Lorenz is batting about zero, his weight loss notwithstanding.

Come one...can't I get one taker?

bunnyjo georg said...

BTW, Sir, I don't think you can stand to lose 11 pounds if your stats were accurate in your column. Unless you look good lanky.

Bonnie Blithe said...

At midsummer I sleep with socks and jammies and my blanky wrapped around me. I'll stay fat, thank you very much.

DCveR said...

At midsummer?! Huuummmm...
I guess it must be done during the winter.
BTW, does hypothermia ring any bell?
Oh, and I got an e-mail with another 'diet' based on a pretty similar idea:
an average human body will spend some 14800 cals to warm a pint of ice cold beer, drinking a pint of beer adds some 1600 cals to your diet, all and all you would still lose 13200 cals. Not that I have ever seen people getting thinner by drinking beer, either...

bunnyjo georg said...

DCveR...perhaps instead of drinking the beer, you could just sit on it and warm it that way? Hmm...sit and lose weight...almost as good as sleeping and losing weight.

Ok, that finals are done, I'm quite serious about this challenge. Although I was forced to eat crummy Little Caesar's Pizza and drink eight diet Cokes to make it through my 17-hour cramming session (AKA "how to get one month's worth of chemistry in one day"), I'm ready go balls-to-the-wall and blow this theory out of the water (or, alternatively, make a serious change in my own weight-loss regimen!)

Can I get one hell yeah?!?

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