Monday, January 16, 2006

Incensed

Let me just admit that I have struggled with anger issues all my life. I have a flash temper that goes off with all the accompanying fireworks of Independence Day. I’ve been known to dump beverages on people, knock people off the toilet (!), slam doors, throw platefuls of food, keys and tea sets across the room, kick people, cars and trees, punch, slap, spit and gouge. And that was all just last week (tee hee).

Thinking about why I get angry and what my motivation is in allowing the anger to explode out of me is a profound awakening. From my earliest memories of being angry, it is always preceded by a sense of powerlessness. It was my response to feeling helpless and unable to control an outcome. It is where I go when I don’t know what to do to make someone do what I want or make things go right in my life. And it is not at all productive. Not the way I do it.

Anger has a valid purpose and expression, but as a tool to manipulate responses out of people or situations is an abuse. According to my reading, I need to learn to feel empowered to change the circumstances or direction of a disagreement without exploding. Hmph.

I don’t exactly know how to feel more empowered. After all, if I knew I probably wouldn’t get so mad. However, I have a clue that it has to do with my thinking, the way I talk to myself during a struggle. I have definitely noticed that I tend to explode more often during times that I am thinking negative thoughts. There is a connection there, I know it.

9 comments:

DCveR said...

Anger problems? It just so happens I am a bit of an expert in anger problems! At least according to Good Half, she says I have a lot of those! The truth being I haven’t shot anyone yet. The way I am starting to cool down: “is it really worth it?”
That is the question I keep asking myself to avoid loosing my temper. Just as I tell you, no deaths yet, so it must be working.

shortensweet said...

Just so you know, the first paragraph describes my childhood with and older sister with a temper.

I don't get angry often, but when I do it's from letting things build up. EXCEPT for when I lived with Ray R. Here is what I think I got made so easily. I wasn't happy and doing what I wanted so any tiny little thing he did would set me off. Like he'd cut his toenails and don't ask me how, but he'd get them in his eye and need me to dig them out. He'd also sniffle, burp and fart 24 hours a day. Ah..those days weren't so bad, except I felt trapped in a situation and didn't seen an exit door and couldn't realy do what I wanted.
Blah blah blah..sorry..this really had no point, so I made you read it for nothing.

Mom said...

Yes, the rasp of a not-so-well-loved significant other's toenails being manicured does tend to put a nasty sentinment in one's head. I have a particular dislike for burps and farts also: it's a crass way of saying "I care not a whit what you think." But getting to the anger issue, I once read that anger has its roots in fear. I thought about that a long time (still do) and I think in many ways, that is very true. Something to ponder. The life unexamined is not worth living...so says a famous Greek philosopher...and the fact that people are willing to look at their behavior and thought processes is one of the most hopeful aspects of humanity in my opinion. So Dcver and Bun both get great kudos from this humble reader. And just for the record...Bunnyjo's dad has a world-class temper and mine is nothing to sneeze at.

bunnyjo georg said...

DCvR: Interesting....I wouldn't have thought you were a hot temper guy. One thing I've decided is that anger is the just other side of the passionate coin, so tell BH she's a lucky gal!

SHORTY: You STILL love telling on me! Ok, it's true, people...Jamie took more than her share of my mean streak growing up. Number one, I was jealous. Number 2, she was a pest. Number 3, she was littler. Voici, she became my anger-outlet.

MOM: Examining my life is something I am doing to an intense degree right now, kudos or no. I really need to turn things around, that is for sure.

shortensweet said...

If turning things around is what you are after, you know that you have a large support group. Just don't get mad at us.:)

bunnyjo georg said...

ha ha ha

Bonnie Blithe said...

a coworker of mine has a sign on her desk:
"It's okay to feel anger, but not to lose your temper."

DCveR said...

Most of the time I manage to keep cool, but some things just drive me mad.

bunnyjo georg said...

Me too!