Let me just admit that I have struggled with anger issues all my life. I have a flash temper that goes off with all the accompanying fireworks of Independence Day. I’ve been known to dump beverages on people, knock people off the toilet (!), slam doors, throw platefuls of food, keys and tea sets across the room, kick people, cars and trees, punch, slap, spit and gouge. And that was all just last week (tee hee).
Thinking about why I get angry and what my motivation is in allowing the anger to explode out of me is a profound awakening. From my earliest memories of being angry, it is always preceded by a sense of powerlessness. It was my response to feeling helpless and unable to control an outcome. It is where I go when I don’t know what to do to make someone do what I want or make things go right in my life. And it is not at all productive. Not the way I do it.
Anger has a valid purpose and expression, but as a tool to manipulate responses out of people or situations is an abuse. According to my reading, I need to learn to feel empowered to change the circumstances or direction of a disagreement without exploding. Hmph.
I don’t exactly know how to feel more empowered. After all, if I knew I probably wouldn’t get so mad. However, I have a clue that it has to do with my thinking, the way I talk to myself during a struggle. I have definitely noticed that I tend to explode more often during times that I am thinking negative thoughts. There is a connection there, I know it.