Monday, January 30, 2006

Revenge does a heart good

There are moments in life when we should just turn the other cheek. You know, like when your ex shows up unannounced and ruins your Christmas Eve. No reason to make a scene, just walk out and hope for a better holiday next year.

But sometimes someone does something that truly deserves a response in kind. Like the boss who promised a promotion only to give it ot a less qualified co-worker. Or a cheating significant other who gave you a social disease. Or maybe a neighbor who...well, you get the idea. Here is the ideal gift for all those deserving people on your shit list (Absolutely PERFECT for people who let their dog crap on other people's lawns):

DCvR, I think you've run into a few Customer Service Reps who have earned their own doggy doo!

If you have a more evil twist to your nature, you may enjoy a few of these bumper stickers which can be fertively applied without the car owner's knowledge. I found some great ones at ebay with the keywords "revenge bumper stickers." Stickers I'd love to see going down the road include (but are not limited to):
"Paycuts for cops"
"My other car is a broom"
"Driver is masturbating"
"I suffer from camel toe"

And for those that have challenged friends, you can give them the 411 at

For friends, neighbors and co-workers who have no concept of hygiene, you can send a happy gram containing soap, deoderant and the following letter (excerpt):

Dear (whoever), . . .Your body odor is so foul that I would rather smell babies diapers for a living than stand next to you for more than 10 seconds. . . I do know where you are from, but in America we shower regularly and use soap-- please change your ways. . .

Even annoying co-workers can't get away with their tired ways once they receive a flyswatter and the following letter (excerpt):

Dear (whoever), . . .In life there are those of us that were not blessed with any social skills. You are one of those people. . . Talking to you is a complete waste of my time. . . Please think before you speak,. . .You will please everyone by keeping quiet and staying to yourself.

Now, if you are like my sometimes boss, Loyd or Eddie, you'll just sue everyone that dares to cross your path. But for those of us who'd rather just torture our achilles heel a little, a prank or two does wonders. Enjoy!


Roo said...


I have in my time met people who truley deserve a nasty response in kind. I wished I could send a flaming bag of doggie doo doo on the door step. Thanks I needed a good laugh today.

DCveR said...

Have you been using your mental powers to watch my lab?
I don’t think I would send one of those doggy doo presents, but that body odor pack would be suitable for one of our non-working co-workers. As for my boss, there is nothing suitable on this payback site, I’m sad to say, everything is way too nice.

Chill Daddy said...

Say you have this brother, and he sucker punches you between the shoulder blades because you discovered the secret path to his fort... whattdya do to him?

shortensweet said...

I know..I post a horrible picture of him on your blog. Normally, he's a pretty good guy, but sometimes...well..ya know :)

--YooBee said...

Those are nice but short term and recoverable, I suggest schmoozing them into gaining an office position at GHI, then sit back and watch as the last drops of their life drain away and they take on the appearance of a mug shot.....then kick em while they are down!.....or you could send your vampire after them.....make them a slave that does all the house work and picks up the errant poo-pile.

shortensweet said...

oh no..he's on about vampires again...

Marcheline said...


The "my other car is a broom" sticker is actually something pagan folks put on their own cars, to let others know who they are.

Those who follow a pagan spiritual path are mostly ignored or mocked by society, but we're still here!

Luckily, most of us have the ability to laugh along with those who laugh at us... and then to laugh louder when their crops fail and their cows die mysteriously. (heh)

- M

bunnyjo georg said...

Roo: you are more than welcome - especially if it would keep that flaming pile of dog doo off my doorstep!

DCvR: Sounds like your boss is one of those special-place-in-hell kind of people. Smear some Limberger cheese in the air-intake of his car. Every time he turns on his heat or air conditioning, he will be forced to inhale the sweet smell of week-old ass.

ChillDiddy: I spend the rest of my life talking about his hair. :)

Shorty: Do you have a picture in mind? My email is

Yoobee: You had me laughing out loud! That, truly, would be a sadistic form of revenge. They'd be all happy thinking what a great job they had until they had the audacity to actually request time off for illness or a personal injury or a court case or jail time or surgery - then they'd know: they sold their soul to the devil!

Marcheline: Didn't know your other car was a broom, heh heh (insert nervous laughter here), but now that I know...I'm glad you can take a joke! I'd hate for my crops to fail again! :)

DCveR said...

Thanks for the tip.

bunnyjo georg said...

DCvR: Oh, please, do it! I'm just dying to hear the dirty details! Yoobee used to work with an ultra-annoying architect on a construction job who had alienated more than his share of beer-swilling cohorts. Said cohorts sabotaged his car in cheesey manner and according to Yoobee, architect experienced shame-faced embarassment when unwitting colleagues rode in his car. Architect then spent much money trying to rectify, only to have to sell his car in the end. Revenge, sir, can be oh-so-sweet! And your boss sounds like he really deserves it! :)

Roo said...

Note: no bag of flaming doggy doo doo for Laura

bunnyjo georg said...