Ok, now it's not like I don't know when the wedding is happening. I mean, I helped pick the date! And yet, I still have not begun my diet. I know the shame of having to look at pictures of myself where I am so heavy I look like I'm going to fall out the bottom of the picture. My face puffs up like a big Puff Adder snake and expands exponentially with each gap-toothed grin. Jiggly underams? Check! Bookshelf ass? Check! "Third Hand" stomach roll? Mile-high ass and jelly-roll hips? Check! Check! Check!
You know that commercial where the lady bends over at the fireplace with her red robe on and her kid yells, "Santa!" Pretty funny, huh? Yeah, well I bent over in front of the fireplace, and I hear this voice yell, "Hey, look! Ruben Studdard just came down our chimney!"
You'd think that knowing my blood sugar is frequently sailing into the 500s would motivate me to get on the right track. Unfortunately, I've been sucking popsicles like they are going out of style since getting sick. Hey, it's the only thing that helps my sore throat! And I've never, ever had a sore throat as bad as this has been.
So, what is it that I need to get motivated to lose weight? I have now a little over a month to lose weight before the inevitable picture-taking at the wedding. Help!