Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Valentines Day - what a load of crap!

I think Valentine's Day stinks. It sucks. It is a festering pustule anchored to my ever-expanding ass. It is a blight on society, sucking every bit of romance out of loving someone. Valentine's Day should be against the law.

Oh, you think I'm bitter just because I don't have someone to buy me a Valentine? Not so, you suspicious old crone. I'm bitter because Valentine's Day does three things, none of which do anything to further the already shaky cause of true love and romance.

The first problem with V-Day is that it makes single people sad. Sure, we can get together with friends. Sure, we can do something special with our children. Sure, we can just get out there and have a good old time regardless of our couple-free existence. But deep down inside each one of the single people having a great time not being a couple on V-Day is a person who longs for that romantic moment when some Special Someone hands over the goods and professes an undying love and devotion.

The second thing V-Day does is put stress on couples. Whether the couple is new or old, there's always the Big Question: will the V-Day gift make the grade? Because if not, buddy, you had better just forget about getting Valentine's sex because it is not happening. As a matter of fact, you'll have to jump through fifteen fiery hoops before privileges are reinstated. So there.

And finally, the last straw that puts V-Day on the bottom of my holiday list is the fact that it promotes the trinket trade. How many stuffed bears holding a heart need to be produced? How many gas station flowers need to give their life? Plus, when you add the obligatory keeping of the love-token...dusting the damn thing, letting its putrid ugliness mar what would otherwise be a tastefully composed room is absolutely excremental.

So, what's the solution? Rent-a-Valentine for singles? Gift registries for couples? Levying massive duties against all cheap teddy bears imported from China?

The truth is there is no solution for the stupidity of V-Day. It is a billion-dollar retail boost after the predictable post-Christmas slump. It is the all-too-significant milestone in relationships all over America. It is another reason for single people to get drunk. In short, it is as permanent a staple of American society as death and taxes. And just as pleasant.

Which leaves just one question left to ponder:

Ain't love grand?


shortensweet said...

Bravo sista! I couldn't have said it better. Singledom makes any holiday rough, but especially the ones geared towards coupledom.
I remember being part of a couple on V Day. My man would do the same thing year after year after year. Except for the year he proposed. I do have to say, he did pretty good for Valentines day, but I always secertly longed he'd get me the trinket I was wanting, or so silly, clever romantic gift. I was always a little disappointed, but thankful I wasn't alone. Man, what I wouldn't do for a gas station rose this year.

bunnyjo georg said...

Any man who bought me a gas station rose could shove it right up their gas pipe. He couldn't possibly love me if he didn't know I do not like to get flowers.

Hey, wanna be my Valentine?


shortensweet said...

There we go, we can buy each other gifts and neither one of us will have to put out :)

Bonnie Blithe said...

r o f l!!
I'd ask if we could all go out that night, in solidarity, but everyone would say we were the "pathetic spinster table". Or the "lesbian table". Or both...
"What a shame, look at those poor old spinster lesbians. They're so pretty, too!"

shortensweet said...

We SHOULD go out..and be proud that we don't have to share the bed with someone who passes gas, and snores. Celebrate that we don't have to ask to go anyplace or put up with their stupid friends.
Sometimes, being single isn't so bad.

Im so angry, Im so at ease said...

totally agree with you, and on top of it all; it's my ex's birthday:) Joy to the world and so on...

Mom (Suspicious Old Crone) said...

You have always hated Valentine's Day, and this column says it more grandly than ever. We can always count on you to show us the flip side, of which we all need reminding. So why isn't there a single's day?
Also, I hope someday you gals or guys that aren't celebrating this Valentine's Day will have something you feel good about on that day, whether it be love or some reasonable something that does truly make you feel good. Because lets face it, just like you said, the giving or receiving of a Valentine's Day offering does not necessarily mean happiness. When St. Pat's day comes you can all celebrate because you don't have to be Irish...or coupled.

Tenerife Scribbler said...

My first visit here, and met by a tirade! So I just HAVE to comment :)

You're probably spot on with points 1 & 3 (your commenters think so). But point 2 the couple one? Well I'm half a couple, and have been for 20 years. And if I can't think of a new and original thing to do then it's time to put me down! Never felt pressurised to buy a present, (except maybe now, gee thanks). As far as I can see it's a good excuse for a mid week evening out and getting sweaty together - just the one fiery hoop, LOL. It's fun, it's silly but if it can make some people happy, then it can't be stupid.

bunnyjo georg said...

Tenerife: I completely agree with you; V-Day should be a fun, happy time to just enjoy the person God blessed you with, sans all the pressures to get a certain type of gift. That is V-Day at its best. This is a sign of a healthy relationship.

But for UNhealthy relationships, V-Day is at its worst as typically the woman looks to this holiday to soothe hurt feelings, disappointments and reassure the shaken confidence of the relationship. This will ALWAYS lead to disappointment, in my opinion. Thus an overweening pressure put on an already struggling couple at a time that should have been a joyous riot of love.

bunnyjo georg said...

Bonnie: Yeah, the worst affrontery to men is a *pretty* lesbian. :)

Shorty: What, no love for the stanky, bacteria-ridden foulness issuing from your lover's ass?

ISA: hee hee - gloating about an ex-lover's misery is so delicious, is it not?

Mom: Actually, this year is special for me because I took a stand, set a standard for how I want to be treated and it has imbued me with a new sense of worth and confidence. Vive la Laura! :)

Marcheline said...

I have an idea... make Valentine's Day an "I love myself" day.

1. Guys will automatically be good at that.

2. We can justify our shopping for at least one 24 hour span.

3. Loving yourself does not require the presence, or presents, of anyone else.

4. The gift is bound to be perfect.

5. There's no law against two or more people loving themselves together, so parties are still a go.

How can you lose?

- M

shortensweet said...

Good idea Marcheline!!! Men wouldn't mind having Valentines..err..I love myself day every day :)

the Dad. said...

This is a fun thread, although one alien to me as things are pretty solid in the romantical arena.

Here's my one Valentine's stress. Cindy likes thoughtful gifts, and I tend to do okay, BUT, I never know how much to spend because she does the finances. I tread a fine line between getting her something too cheap, and something too extravagent that will strain the budget.

bunnyjo georg said...

Marcheline: After all, self-love is cheaper, more accessible and doesn't require instructions to be given. :)

Shorty: Everyday, huh? TMI....definitely TMI!

Dad: Quit bragging. As for dollar amount, keep it around $30. It's not cheap and it's not extravagant. And you can usually find some pretty good stuff for that amount.

DCveR said...

Right... and how easy do you think V-day is when one half of a couple is on one side of the pond and the other half of the same couple is on the other side of the pond? Also, after ten years together we hardly have any wish to give stuffed little bears to one another or any such trinkets. Yes we keep exchanging presents but now we go for the things that the other one really can use or enjoy, when we can afford it, that is.

Guyana-Gyal said...

In coupledom or not, single or not it's a day that just zips by never was a part of my life for some reason.

The things that mean most to me are things I want all year round, good coversation, a hearty discussion, kind words. These help when you're in a long distance relationship.

Mom said...

Marcheline, you have a killer idea. Find a way to make it fly, millions of singles will love you for it! I laughed until my eyes watered. This is truly what the world needs.

bunnyjo georg said...

DCvR: Sorry to hear your sweetheart is so far away. But you are truly blessed. Most people - even coupled people - long for the kind of relationship you have with Good Half. :)

GG: I completely agree. Gifts are nice, but having the daily interaction of a person you love - conversation, quiet moments, eating soup (old joke) - it's more to me than a gift anyday.

Bonnie Blithe said...

Marcheline has made up my mind for me! I'm getting that bunch of gerberas for myself tomorrow.

It will be more fun than my usual Valentine's Day triple-dose of Xanax.

bunnyjo georg said...

Well, if you are not going to be using the Xanax...