Ugh. My grandma, who loves me and thinks I'd be the best wife in the world (provided the guy had certain tolerances), is worried about me. She knows my recent romantic troubles, and like any Grandma would like to see me happily married to a man who loves and adores me and treats me like the Countess I am (I'm not a Queen, you see; a smidgeon of humility exists). So, she had a suggestion for me, suggested by her happily-married friend Van who is married to Irene who did not meet this way. But they suggested it. The suggestion? eharmony.
Ok, so I'm an open person. I went out there to the website and spent the requisite hour and a half filling out their questionaire. It came as a complete shock how emotionally I felt as I filled the dang thing out. I think that is because I have some very ambivalent feelings about meeting or dating anyone at this time in my life. However, all my romantic antenna are waving and my soul is already open to loving someone (having had the habit for a couple years now) and I did enjoy having a regular sex life, sooo.... I kept on going, ignoring the growing tension inside of me. Finally, finally I finished the damn thing.
And guess what? I'm a pretty awesome chick. The little personality report they gave me was very validating. Actually, it wasn't the report so much, really, as the strong sense of self and confidence with which I answered all their pesky questions.
You know how it is. A lot of times you take those things and you kinda struggle, not really knowing how to define yourself and which three things are the most important etc. However, I think my recent experiences in the romantic arena have solidified a lot of things inside of me. I feel much stronger and more confident about who I am and what I want. It was good to see it there in black and white that I would make an excellent companion, lover and friend for a very, very lucky guy.
BUT - the moment of truth came when it asked me to join eharmony. It is appallingly expensive! The best deal costs $20 a month and obligates you for a full year. I most certainly wouldn't give eharmony any longer than their shortest subscription, three months. But at $36 a month, it is not exactly a bargain.
And then I got to thinking. If I'm only going to do this thing for three months, I've got to be really serious about it, and serious about finding someone. And you know what? Right now I'm just not. I have a lot of things that I'm still working through.
Yesterday I got asked out to a very posh thingy going on here in Grand Haven, complete with gussied-up people drinking champagne and dancing the salsa. I couldn't find it inside myself to say yes to that or the offer for lunch today or the invitation to go look at his new house this weekend. It feels good that someone is interested, but I'm just not there yet.
It takes a while to disengage from someone that you love, and I have to give myself time to make that transition. In addition, he really did a head job on me, so I've got to work through that so I don't inadvertently take it out on some poor, innocent, unsuspecting suitor.
So, eharmony must wait. And so must the future love of my life. But it sure was nice to know how great a person I am!
Except for my tendency to take slutty pictures and post them on my blog. :)
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23 comments:
I agree. That's why I haven't done much with online dating. The fee's are HUGE! I guess eharmony's fee is right though. With the other ones, you can get a cheap subscription and end up getting married guys, and jerks who are just looking for a roll in the hay. So, it might be worth it knowing that you'd be meeting good guys with good intentions. They'd have to be to put up that kinda money. I still always hope that I'll meet them the old fashioned way, at the bar..ha ha. No, I'd hope I wouldn't have to do a matchmaking site. Remember Joe (Pete) Mom's friend? He always did that and got icky icky women.
Jamie, think about it. How much are you spending a month at the bars to meet weirdos, drunk drivers, and guys who just want a roll in the hay? INCLUDING married guys.
We write a lot about how lonely we are and how we're not meeting anyone. If we were really serious, we'd quit going to the bars and find someone decent on-line. NOT in chat rooms. Doncha think?
As for Joe, he met icky women because he was a weirdo with major creep factor. Only icky women would be interested in him!
i just wanted show off my new body. it didn't cost too much. i am a little disappointed because i will have to buy smaller bras.
HILARIOUS! My first thought was, who IS this FRUITCAKE posting to my blog! Then I saw your face on the Barbie body.
Youse is ill! And Chill!
funny funny!
I wish you'd filed your profile on eharmony. We need someone who's gonna promise to bring about world peace, end poverty, and save the rainforests and really mean it.
If only you and Dubya could stop bickering, and put aside your petty squabbles -- think what good the two of you, working side-by-side, could do for the world.
I like George Bush. so there
So you don't mind if George and I are in love? ;)
be my guest...lol
You can always get yourself a blog and save the eharmony money!
Oooooppppsssss... sorry, it hasn't helped so far, did it?
Ok,ok, I'm being a bit nasty here. But all those match-making sites sound awful to me. Call me old-fashioned on this one if you will.
I know quite a few decent and lonely young ladies who have been single for a long, long time. There just don't seem to be many eligible men of an acceptable caliber for them. I know they must be somewhere. Quite a few in the military, but that has always been. Where are they? They can't all have gone to Alaska! I know of hardly any single men, and the ones I do know of are alchoholics, ne'er do wells, still live with their folks, etc. wouldn't make good friends, boyfriends, or husbands. So...does anyone know? Do they get lost like socks in the dryer? Have they been sucked into cyberspace from spending too much time in front of the computer? What?
There's a good explanation for that, Mom, the women that are in relationships with the good men know better than to let them go. It's the flip side of the same coin. If they were 'relationship-worthy', they'd be in a relationship.
Like I said on the Laura's 'I love Valentines day' post, their best prospect is to wait for some some stupid woman to cut one of these good men loose, and hope he doesn't have too much baggage.
It's downright sad. The whole cycle exists because of the lack of men of character. I truly believe that, deep down, most of today's men are narcisstic, immature, self-gratifying hedonists. They're fun to be around, but ultimately irresponsable and unreliable.
Do you suppose that this is not a new dynamic? In polygamous societies, men were allowed as many wives as they could support. Do you think that developed because of a history of a male lack of character? And if so, how many wives do you think I'd have qualified for?
The thing is CD, you only NEED one. I think that men who need multiple wives or girlfriends or both, think they have something to prove, to themselves or someone else. I think it is rather sad that great women, like myself, ARE single. It is really hard to meet someone decent, even with online dating. There is only one way to find the man of your dreams, and that's to have faith that the big man upstairs will bring him into your life when you're both ready. That's what I'm going to hold on to.
That is something to ponder (men unworthy by nature?) I tend to think that men did a better job of making themselves eligible about a half century back. The social backlash of the second half of the century forever changed the role of man in women's lives, I'm afraid it hasn't been a positive thing is some ways. Women may have gained their liberty but lost their access to men willing to take them on. Too involved to discuss here, just that men seem more willing to play and not pay these days. Discuss amongst yourselves.
Bunnyjo, I was truly impressed by what you said about not rushing into a relationship now until you are ready again.
I wish all gals did this, then many they would not go for guys just because they're 'available.'
I think the key too is for a gal to know what kinda guy she wants. I don't mean what kind of career he has and how handsome he is. I mean his personality, his kindess to others, what type of sense of humour, etc etc.
GG, what's the divorce rate like in Guyana? What you said is absolutely true, but I sometimes worry that my sisters will never find the men they're looking for because the men like that are already married.
It's usually the 'unworthy' who are available.
Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know, I haven't been single in years.
DCvR: Of course it would be odious to a happily married man; it should be! I felt the same as you while in a relationship. Now that I'm single and don't want to go to a bar to meet anyone, the internet dating sounds pretty good to me!
Guyana Gyal: Ironically, the experience I've just gone through has solidified what I'm looking for and validated me as a partner. Few people can walk away from a soured relationship saying that. However, before I can emotionally connect with anyone, I need to emotionally disconnect from him or the new relationship is doomed.
heya luv -- I also went through the tedious and emotional 2 hour process of filling out the E-Harmony questionnaire, and got something to this effect: "We want to be completely up front with you because that's what we're all about. There are NO PROFILES on file with us that would be a good match for you." .
Not even one guy!
I had to REfill out the questionnaire, WITH LIES, to get any hits.
It didn't exactly induce a mating frenzy. Or a willingness to give them money better spent on ice cream and video rentals.
Oh, please, tell me no! How could that be?!?! Listen, I've spent time with you. I know you. You are not strange or odd or misshapen or unique to such an extent that there would be NO GOOD MATCHES out there for you. Oh, Miss B, I just can't believe it.
"...to such an extent..."
ROFLMAO, thanks, luv!
I knew you'd catch that! :)
Isn't life fun when you can laugh at yourself? Love you, Miss B!
I think the fact that e-harmony could not find a match for honest bonnie blithe says more about the men who are applying than it does about her worthiness or attractiveness. Maybe men are not looking for quality? They sometimes claim to be. But when quality does come along there aren't many who are up to the challenge. Maybe the letter should have said, "We want to be up front with you because that is what we are all about. The men who apply are looking for whores who can cook like June Cleaver and have had their tubes tied. And you do not fit that description." (OH, I hate being so jaded. Just hate to see good women have to struggle so.)
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